the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Maybe I should just become a gypsy

Tuesday, Jun. 07, 2005 at 1:36 pm

The real estate thing totally did not work out the way I had hoped. Right now I'm so broke that I can't even pay my mortgage. I've been applying for jobs left and right, but I got nothin' so far. I even applied for unemployment but the bastards denied me. I sent my appeal letter yesterday, so we'll see what happens. I don't regret quitting my job or trying the real estate gig, it was all a good learning experience, but I realize now that I totally do not have enough discipline to be my own boss - which is basically what you are as a realtor.

But I have enjoyed my time away from the working world. For the past several months I've been bumming around with my son. Going to the park, swimming, on bike rides, watching movies all day. It's been great actually. I could totally be a housewife. Now all I gotta do is find a rich, handsome, Christian fella and settle down already!

Actually I am looking forward to getting back in the working force. I miss having a schedule. I miss having health insurance! Plus I think my son is getting sick of being home everyday with me, and I don't blame him. I guess I've just had a super long vacation and now it's time to buck up and get my butt back to work.

My son learned how to ride a bike recently. Now he's like a bike-riding addict. The boy can not get enough! But it's adorable and my older brother gave me a bike for myself, so now we go on bike rides together. Other than my butt bones being totally sore after each ride, it is a blast. Even though I'm a lazy hefer, I really love being active sometimes! And swimming - me and my son can not get enough swimming done, it's our favorite. Other than the constant sweating, summer totally rocks.

And other than being broke and about to lose my house, life is pretty awesome right now. I got my faith, my health, my looks and a little bit of youth left, so I'm good to go.



Lookin' for a real love

Wednesday, Jun. 01, 2005 at 1:32 pm

Maybe I'm weird, but I've realized over years of falling in and out of love, that I can kind of control my love for the most part. That fleeting feeling that you get when you first meet someone and the butterflies are fluttering in your tummy? Yeah, that feeling is exactly that - a feeling. True love isn't just a feeling, it's so much more. I've loved many people and been able to walk away because I know it's for the best, so I guess I've learned how to turn that "feeling" off and on. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's a thing I have nonetheless.

I fell in love with a boy who was an atheist and as you all know my beliefs are quite opposite and something that empcompass my whole life. I love God more than anything and I know that I need him every single day. I talk about him, think about him, pray to him and I need someone who loves me to know and understand this. The whole God issue aside, I could totally love and be in a relationship with someone who's an atheist. But here's the problem - the whole God issue will never be "aside" for me. God is everything and everywhere as far as I'm concerned. I can't be with someone who mocks my beliefs and rolls their eyes every time I say, "Praise God!" It's not healthy for either of us. So, needless to say, the atheist and I have gone our separate ways. I've spent many nights crying and praying about it, but I feel peace that ultimately the right decision was made.

I want more than anything to meet that special someone and fall in love and live happily ever after. But I also know that real, lasting love takes work. I also know that compatibility is crucial. Yes, opposites attract, but can opposites really stay together, at least when something as big as religion is a huge barrier? I think I deserve to have my needs met just as much as the next person. And I need someone who I can enjoy God with. Period. I know this now and I won't make the same mistake again. A lot of heartache could have been prevented had both of us been more honest about our spirituality in the first place. We were both to blame, we knew it and we agreed that in the long run, it wouldn't work out between us.

So from now on, for me, no more dating boys who don't love Jesus.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis