the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

It's a good thing I'm such a pimp

Friday, Jul. 23, 2004 at 1:27 pm

Boy am I glad I did not delete all my booty calls' phone numbers like I briefly thought I wanted to, after some asshole said he loved me, which I stupidly translated as he wanted to be with me and only me forever and ever!

Remind to never even think about deleting boys' phone numbers ever again unless it is my wedding day, ok? And even then, it might be debatable.

Also, I just entered this contest because, damn it, I want my fifteen minutes of fame too. Plus, I'm hot.



And they are squishy too!

Friday, Jul. 23, 2004 at 8:52 am

MY SISTER-IN-LAW IS PREGNANT!!!

I just found out last night. My brother and sis-in-law called me and I screamed so loud when they told me that my FGR (Formerly Gay Roommate) ran up the stairs to see what was wrong! This is going to be their first spawn! And I just absolutely love babies!

If you've never held a newborn baby, you are seriously missing out. It's like you are holding a real life miracle right in your arms. They are all warm and soft and fuzzy. Even baby poop is cute! Ok, maybe I'm pushing it there, but you get my drift. Babies totally kick butt.

Ok, I've got baby showers to plan and baby stuff to buy! I love it when life gives me something positive to focus my attention on. Thanks life, you rock!

Question: What's your favorite thing about newborn babies?



I want to be numb

Tuesday, Jul. 20, 2004 at 1:18 pm

I don't want to admit that he got to me. I don't want to admit that him not wanting me has permanently bruised my ego. I don't want to admit that I still love him, even though I know he's a jerk. I don't want to admit that I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to admit that someone actually broke my heart. I don't want to admit that I'm weak. I don't want to admit that I have feelings. I don't want to admit that I actually still want someone who doesn't want me. I don't want to admit that I'm a pathetic piece of shit. I don't want to admit that I'm afraid to live without him. I don't want to admit that seeing him with another girl someday will fucking kill a piece of me.

I don't want to admit that he's affected me in such a huge, huge way. I want it all to go away. I wish I never met him. I wish he never told me he loved me. I wish he never said I was beautiful. I wish he never said he wanted to have babies with me. I wish he never made me feel like the most important person in his world. I want my life back. Life was just getting good. I was happy, I was content, I was excited about my future. I was confident.

Now? I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't know what I want or need or feel. I just wish I could get him the fuck out of my head. I'm sick of thinking about it. I don't want to hate him or love him, I just want to feel nothing for him. I want to be able to look at him someday and not feel anything, good or bad. I want him to be nobody.



Happy fucking Monday

Monday, Jul. 19, 2004 at 11:38 am

How can someone be in love with two people at the same time?

Fuck that shit. I'm not going to be someone's pick-and-choose bitch.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis