the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Ow, my fragile ego

Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003 at 3:27 pm

Ever notice how when you say something nice about someone, you are complimenting them? But when you say something negative about someone, you are judging them?



Just for that, I'm starting a "Which blogger has the biggest cock" contest

Friday, Aug. 15, 2003 at 9:29 pm

Oh look ladies! We're not even safe from the constant judgment and scrutinization of our physical appearance, online, when we are behind a fucking computer! Can I go one mother fucking day without this shit? Fuck.



Chocolate looks like poop. . . coincidence? I think not!

Thursday, Aug. 14, 2003 at 2:49 pm

Why is something that is good, "the shit," but something that is bad is, "the shits?"

For instance, having the runs at work is the shits. But getting flowers and chocolates at work is the shit! Don't be jealous.

Today it's shit, yesterday it was crap. Tomorrow should be interesting.



Oo ee, oo ah ah, tang tang, walla walla bing bang!

Thursday, Aug. 14, 2003 at 1:01 pm

I've got work glaring me in the face, but I'm avoiding eye contact.

Also, do you like the new title or did you like the other one better? This inquiring mind wants to know.



Good bye Crap! Hellooooo, less crap!

Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003 at 12:29 pm

I think yesterday's entry, however cool hippie sounding it was meant to be, was inspired by the simple fact that I just have too much crap. Hey, we all get a little melodramatic once in a while. Bite me. I know Tess is good at throwing out other people's crap, so I'm thinking about giving her a call.

I've realized that I've got to stop buying stuff that I really don't need or want. The outcome is just piles of crap in my house and more crap to collect dust. And an ever increasing credit card bill. Do I really need a DVD player when my VCR works just fine? Do I really need two stereos? Do I really need twenty different pairs of black shoes? Well, maybe the last one I won't mess with. But I think I'm making my point here.

So in celebration of my new simplistic lifestyle, I've put an ad in the local paper for my practically brand new oak dining room table and four matching chairs, that I never really liked, but bought because I was in a hurry to get something new. This time I'm going to wait until I find something I really, really like and that I can afford. In the meantime, Charlie and me will be having living room floor picnics. And who doesn't love a picnic?



Give me something real

Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2003 at 4:03 pm

I want to give up all my material possessions. I don't want any of that to matter any more. I want to be free of all things shallow in my life. It's not worth it and no amount of money or the things that money can afford me will ever completely fulfill me. I'm tired of trying to fill my soul with empty, meaningless crap. I need something more. I need more of that stuff they say money can't buy. I need emotional, spiritual, and intellectual fulfillment. Something that will fill me with real, lasting joy, not just fleeting happiness.

Don't ask me what it is, because I don't know. But I'm not going to stop until I find it.



Take your blue balls and shove them up your ass

Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 at 10:22 am

Warning: The following rant includes sexually explicate language, cursing, and pornographic visual imagery. I normally don't get into the details of sex, but this is something I just have to get off my chest. So I suggest you leave now if this kind of shit bothers you.

If a man gets the pleasure of being in the presence of a naked woman and for whatever reason she can not or will not have sexual intercourse with him, and he then has the audacity to utter the words, "Can you at least help me get a nut off?" - he deserves to be castrated.

First of all, since when does common fucking courtesy not apply in the bedroom? Ever heard the phrase, "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours?" Or how about, "Do unto others as you would have done to you?" It's the Golden Rule, mother fucker, and last I checked it should most definitely apply in the bedroom.

A woman doesn't want to hear any of that "blue balls" shit either. Don't you think women get sexually frustrated as well? Don't tell us about the burning sensation you're having because you can't nut. Don't complain or whine about how life is so unfair all because you need to ejaculate. The more you complain, the more that woman is probably imagining kicking you in the balls, ripping them off, and shoving them up your ass.

Instead, try shutting your fucking cakehole and taking a dive down south. Try being proactive and give the woman a reason to want to help you get off. I'm talking about cunnilingus here, fellas. Look it up in the damn dictionary.

But if all of that is just too damn much for your fucking balls to handle, and you just sit there like a dumb fuck and jack yourself off, then don't expect to EVER get inside that girl's pants again. Better yet, don't be surprised if she kicks you out right then and there. You are an ignorant fuck.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis