the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Wow

Tuesday, Jul. 19, 2005 at 1:08 pm

I'm a complete idiot.

It really sucks when you realize someone you thought so highly of turns out to be a shallow, selfish jerk. The man I thought I loved the last six months just broke it off with me because I wouldn't suck his dick. No, he's not 16, he's 31, believe it or not. Turns out I'm not the kind of giving, sexual girl that he wants to be with. His claims to love me and cherish me the last six months are all void now because I didn't suck his dick. Apparently not getting his dick sucked far outweighs all the love and compassion I gave him.

I guess without fellatio, love is worthless.

My bad.



What life is all about

Saturday, Jul. 16, 2005 at 12:20 pm

I'm in love.

It's the atheist. Although I wouldn't call him an atheist anymore. He's more like a humanist/scientologist/ufologist/spiritually inclined man on a search for God. In the beginning we thought our religious differences were tearing us apart. We both tried like hell to forget about each other, move on, lose that lovin' feeling. But days, weeks, months went by and we still found our way back into each other's arms.

There's this incredibly strong connection and draw towards each other. We both felt it from the moment we met. It was one of those "meant to be" feelings. He tells me that when he looks into my eyes he knows deep down in the depths of his soul that I was made for him and we were meant to know each other. The passion I feel for this man is overwhelming. When I thought I was losing him, I felt like a piece of me was dying.

So we've been talking. Slowly but surely we've come full circle back to a place where we both admit that we still love each other and want to give "us" a chance. He still scares me and infuriates me at times, but the love and tenderness far outweigh any negativity.

Last night we went to dinner and he starts sharing with me this spiritual journey he's been embarking on over the last few months. He's at a place where he not only accepts my beliefs, but is willing to try and explore them with me further. It was so exciting to hear him break down this wall of anger that he used to have towards religion and religious people.

It's a beautiful thing. A very beautiful thing. Most of all I'm just grateful to God for keeping this man in my life. Even if it's not forever. Right now I'm happy, I'm passionate, I'm excited about sharing my life with a man so full of love and passion. And the fact that he's HOT doesn't hurt things either.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis