the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Life sucks. . . but I'm tan!

Friday, Jun. 25, 2004 at 1:42 pm

I wrote my first sales contract last night. I was really excited, but lately I've been feeling a low level of depression set in. I don't get it, life is great. Maybe I need to up my dosage on the meds. I take that back, life sucks for the most part, but that still doesn't mean you can't be happy. I thought I learned that trick already, but lately I feel down.

And I'm lying to myself. I know exactly what it is. I've stopped losing weight because I've lost momentum. I've started smoking again because it feels so damn good. I can't stop thinking about Miguel, I really fucking hate that. I know he loves me, but I'm still in this continuum of doubt. I'm still working part-time at the regular job and I hate it more and more everyday. Yet I can't get motivated to get off my ass and sell some houses.

I'm stuck. I need to get unstuck. I need a mental and emotional and physical cleansing. Part of me just wants to go out tonight and get fucked up, that usually solves my problems for a night. Another part of me wants to start a weekend fast, spring clean my house, get a ton of exercise, read the Bible, talk to God and meditate with lots of positive self-talk. Will I do it? Or will I end up stuffing my face in front of the television tonight for six hours?

All I want is to be content. So why is it the one thing we want most out of life is usually the hardest for us to achieve?



And we poured some out for the homies

Thursday, Jun. 24, 2004 at 2:45 pm

So is everyone totally and completely sick of hearing me talk about Miguel yet? No? Ok then.

Yesterday Miguel was questioning my staying power. You know, my loyalty, my in-it-for-the-long-haul ability. I told him, "I would marry you. Seriously, I would. How's that for staying power?" He smiled and said, "I would marry you too." Crap I love this boy.

Last night we went to the park and swung in the dark with our 40 ounces. Seriously, we were drinking a 40 ounce of Bud Light. We like to keep it real like that, yo. Later we went to a bar and made fun of everyone, because nobody is as cool as we are. As we were walking out, we passed this liquor store and Miguel said he wanted the giant Bug Light banner that was hanging on the wall. So I ran up there and ripped that sucker right off! I am ghetto fabulous!

This morning we were laying in bed and I told him he had to give me a compliment before he could leave. So he leaned into me and whispered in my ear, "Last night at the bar I couldn't keep my eyes off of you." I said, "Really? Why's that?" Again he whispered, "Because I love you."



Dear Vince Vaughn,

Wednesday, Jun. 23, 2004 at 10:44 am

Please stop being so sexy. . . and tall. . . before I spontaneously combust.


Also, will you marry me?

Thank you, Your Future Love Slave



I have a confession to make

Monday, Jun. 21, 2004 at 4:22 pm

Guilty pleasures of the day:

Boy Meets World

The Wonder Years

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge

I am a giant nerd.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis