the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Did I mention I looked hot?

Friday, May. 21, 2004 at 12:00 pm

So much to say, so little time. Actually that's a lie, I have time, I'm just too hung over to want to spend a significant amount of time typing. For some reason typing makes me want to punk even more. And on top of that my ass won't stop diarrheaing. Ok, so here are the highlights from last night.

Miguel, Tone and I went to the Kid Rock concert. Puddle of Mudd opened. Rock on. We stayed for a minute.

I looked hot.

We just twisted, loopy, drunky-drunk.

Tone kept pinching my butt. I told Miguel and he says, "That's how the Tone-sta does it."

I got three girls' phone numbers. But they turned out to be bitches. I almost kicked some prissy bitch ass. I hate prissy bitches.

Tone went home and Miguel and I proceeded to party harder. We was at da club!

A Rasta Mon tried to pick me up right in front of Miguel. Miguel was jealous, I LOVED it! But I was a lady and politely declined the Rasta. Miguel gave me props.

I think I'm his "girlfriend" but he has yet to call me that.

We went back to my crib and had lots of The Sex.

I can't get enough of that boy.

And I looked hot. Pictures coming soon.

The end.



Places I've pimped before

Thursday, May. 20, 2004 at 11:07 am

This is an ode to all the jobs I've had before and what I remember most about them. I swear I heard "Memories" playing in my head the entire time making this list.

Golf Park [Cashier] - Flirting with the all-guy staff, especially one dude that looked like Ferris Buller, I wanted him bad! Also, free beef jerky and nachos.

Village Inn Restaurant [Hostess] - Flirting with one of the dishwashers, getting hit on by customers.

Palace Movie Theater [Cashier/Ticket-Taker/Cleaner-Upper of People's Fucking Messes] - All of us employees would get together and make fun of the assistant manager, a huge dork on a power-trip. Also, free popcorn, hotdogs, nachos and jalapeno-eating contests.

Applebees Restaurant [Hostess] - Cracking jokes constantly with my friend Crissy and then getting fired together on the same day at the same time by our male-chauvinist prick boss.

Local Country Club [Secretary] - Free good-ass food. Kickin' it with all the wait-staff, bartenders and cooks after-hours. Having a male boss that wore a wig and had no eyebrows!

Best Western Hotel Reservation Center [Customer Service Rep.] - Nothing. That job blew asschunks. On top of that, the headpiece gave me acne!

Big-Money-Local-Corporation [File Clerk] - Talking shit with two other girls that were peons like me about all the bitches that we worked for. I worked under about ten women and they were all constantly ragging. The only job I ever just "walked out" on.

Law Office [Secretary] - Nothing. That job blew ass too. Attorney's are the biggest dick's in the universe. And they fired me for no reason. Oh wait, I almost forgot, the one good thing: one of the attorney's wives had uncontrollable flatulence. She would fart constantly and say, "Oh excuse me," like it was nothing! My stomach ached from holding in my laughter.



Can I get a witness??!!

Monday, May. 17, 2004 at 11:55 am

All I have to say is. . . I am having so much fucking fun right now.

Life is amazing and shitty and wonderful and crazy all at the same time. My life is finally becoming everything that I ever wanted it to be. And why? Because I made it happen. There's almost no better feeling in the world that knowing you are in control. The question is, in control of what? There is one thing and one thing only that you can control at all times. That, my friends, is your attitude. Everything else is the hand that fate deals you. Give it up to God. Give up the worrying, the self-pity, the doubts, the negativity, the sadness, the self-sabotaging and the fears. Accepting the bad makes the good that much easier to find.

This sermon is brought to you by Angelaland Incorporated. And the people said, Amen.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis