the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Humpalicious cleavage sweat!

Friday, Apr. 16, 2004 at 1:14 pm

I went for a walk at lunch and now, ooo boy, do I stink! Stupid sun! Makes me sweat. My armpits are damp and itchy. Why does sweat make you itch? Freaky nature stuff. Speaking of sweat, when I sweat I sweat a lot in my cleavage! One time at band camp... haha! Seriously, one time I had this boyfriend and he wanted to lick the sweat off my cleavage! What a freak! But of course I let him.

So I've been exchanging emails with the Michael, who I will further refer to as Miguel, for privacy purposes. Anyway, Miguel and I were reminiscing on the phone last night and I totally busted him for cheating on his girlfriend of six years with me back in the day. He was like, "I guess I can't play a player!" And I was all, "Exactly punk!" It's just insaneness I tell ya. I'm so in love with that boy. Not really. But kinda. What is it about some people from your past that you just never get over?

And now, a picture, because I'm so vain. Now tell me how much you want to hump me.


Dang, I need a tan.



Guess what?

Wednesday, Apr. 14, 2004 at 2:49 pm

It's official. I'm a licensed real estate agent.

I passed the real estate exam yesterday. Was there ever a doubt in your mind that I would?

Now, who's taking me out for drinks to celebrate?



Long lost love story

Monday, Apr. 12, 2004 at 12:56 pm

Ok, I am freaking out here, people.

You know how you have that one person from your past that you are still pretty much in love with? It's been years, maybe even decades since you've had any sort of contact with them, but you still think about them all the time. You sometimes imagine scenarios in your mind where you two run into each other again and the sparks ignite immediately as if they never went out. Most, if not all, of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

For me, there are two boys. Two boys from my past that got away. Two super duper yummy scrumptious boys that I hardly got my fill of years ago. Let me tell you all a little story about the one named Michael.

I met Michael when I was eighteen. Of course at that age, all your senses are heightened by your raging teenage hormones, but still there was something different about Michael. From the moment I saw him, I said to myself, "I want to marry that guy." He was this short, preppy, sexy, Hispanic boy with huge brown eyes and a hard little body that I could barely keeps my hands off of. We hit it off right away and the only thing better than the sexual attraction was the mental connection. We became friends above all else.

We stayed friends, although he and I both knew that I wanted more, from the time we were eighteen until we were about twenty-two. One night after going out with friends and drinking and dancing at a club, he dropped me off at my apartment. I teased him that he was too chicken to give me some hot monkey lovin'. I had teased him before on several occasions because he never accepted my advances. I knew he cared for me as a friend, so I was starting to believe he just simply wasn't attracted to me (as hard as that is to believe, I know, because I'm so hot).

But this time, for whatever reason, he took me up on my offer. So in our drunken stupors, we made our way to my bedroom, attacking each other like animals. I loved kissing him more than anything, I swear he could be gay because he kissed like a girl. All soft and sensual, it drove me crazy. Then to my pleasant surprise, this little man surprised me with a not-so-little surprise, if you know what I mean. We fit together like hand and glove. Again, I thought to myself, "I could totally marry this guy."

It was shortly after that, that I met my son's father, and the rest is really history. Michael and I lost contact. He doesn't even know I had a child. But, like I said, I still think about him all the time. I wonder if some girl has snagged him up yet, and if she has, I hate her.

But today, oh what a glorious day, today. I was coming back from getting some lunch and walking down the hallway of my office building to the elevator, when I passed a familiar face. No, it wasn't Michael, it was his younger brother who I also had been good friends with for all those years. We hugged and I was so excited I almost pissed my pants. Later I thought, what in the hell are the chances of us passing each other in the hallway like that? One in a billion maybe. Fate must love me today. Turns out neither him nor Michael are married and they both still live here in Wichititty, pretty close to where I live actually. Sometimes I hate this town for being so small that I always run into people I know, but today, I freaking love this town!! I gave him my number and told him that we all have to go out sometime soon. Then I went back to my office and threw half my lunch because I have to get rid of some of this chub like ASAP! Yeah baby!

Picture courtesy Tuesday Comic.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis