the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Show your love with a little vulgarity

Friday, Jan. 09, 2004 at 3:32 pm

You know you've set a low standard of etiquette within your circle of friends when every one of yours leaves you voice messages that begin with a burp, a fart, "hey bitch," or "hey slut."

Ah, reaping my fruits here people. Reaping my fruits.



Listen carefully (or read as it were)

Thursday, Jan. 08, 2004 at 10:17 pm

Note to people who like to change the url of their diary every two seconds or who like to open nineteen different diaries or who like to close down a really damn good diary:

Fucking Quit It!!!

Thank you for your cooperation. Assheads.



Sheep-humping assholes and the women who love them

Thursday, Jan. 08, 2004 at 4:22 pm

What is all this hype surrounding Dr. Phil? He has got to be the stupidest, ugliest, most annoying, chauvinistic, boring psychologist ever! How in the hell do people like this earn doctorate degrees, and worse yet come to a level of national fame? Now I understand why they call doctors, "quacks," because Dr. Phil is the epitome of a fraud.

If you are one of those women who is gushing over this guy, do us all a favor right now and slit your own throat. And to my darling Oprah, girl you know you just hired the guy because he was kind of funny in the beginning. But now, you've got to be beating the shit out of yourself at night for giving the biggest joke on earth his own television show. I can't believe that even the sound of his voice doesn't make you want to shit in his mouth.

Speaking of his own television show, let's get on with the root cause of my little rant here. Dr. Phil should change his name to Dr. Duh. Everything this guy tells people just makes me vomit profusely and them scream at the television, "Duh!" His supposed signature "tell-it-like-it-is" style is more like an "I'm-an-idiot-so-I'll-just-point-out-the-obvious" style. I swear a fucking 5-year-old could give better advice than this crackpot.

In case you aren't convinced yet that Dr. Duh is a sheep-humping asstwat, let me give a few examples of real shit I've heard this cocklicker spewing forth on his television show.

This lady comes on because she can't stop spending money. She literally buys something every day on one of her credit cards. She is addicted to shopping. She hides stuff from her husband. And when she's not out shopping, she's on ebay buying shit. Sounds pretty serious to me. Sounds to me like the lady needs some real therapy. So what does Dr. Phil tell her? What is his brilliant and insightful advice? Cut up your credit cards. You fucking dumbass!! Holy balls of hell, I can't believe this guy. He needs to be shot.

A married couple comes on the show. The husband has the television on 24-7. Literally. The wife wants him to stop watching so much TV and spend more time with her and the kids. The more she asks, the less he listens. This is where Dr. Phil sheds light into this seemingly dark and hideous situation. He tells the wife to quit nagging and the husband to turn off the TV for like an hour everynight. Crap, why didn't they think of that? Dr. Phil just saved another marriage from total self-destruction! Hooray!

So in conclusion I would just like to add one more time that Dr. Phil is a moron, anyone who likes him is a moron, and if I never see his ugly fucking mug again it will be too soon.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis