the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

But I love my anus!

Thursday, Nov. 13, 2003 at 3:51 pm

Most romantic thing said to me today: "You know how many times I have pulled my wallet out today so that I could look at your picture?"

Most romantic thing I said today: "It's like you've become a part of me, sort of like my anus."

And you wonder why boys are lined up around my block!



My vagina must be mad at me today

Thursday, Nov. 13, 2003 at 3:20 pm

You know what's funny and totally unoriginal, but still really fucking funny!? Talking about a part of your anatomy as if it is a person! Haha, I laugh just thinking about doing it!

Like, man, my crotchhole must be pissed off today because she is being really fucking irritable! Or, my anus called me today and said he was sick and could not stop puking! Ha! Or maybe, one of my personal favorites, my uterus is the biggest fucking bitch I've ever known in my entire life!

Omg, if I use one more explanation point, somebody stab me. Or just call me Piehole.

Did I seriously just type explanation point? Wow, my dumbness astounds me sometimes.



I'm a chronically discontent penis-licker, yep

Thursday, Nov. 13, 2003 at 2:06 pm

One minute I love myself and my life and how much I rock the cock. And then the next minute I hate everyone and everything and I want to take out all my savings and disappear somewhere secluded forever.

Well the holidays are coming up, so that's good. I look forward to having several paid days off in a row. I look forward to being able to sleep in and all day if I want. I've been really hating my job lately. Coming in an hour late, taking two hour lunches, and leaving whenever the fuck I feel like it. I hate to seem ungrateful for my good job, but fuckin-a man, I'm so sick of working. Doing the same shit day in and day out. Maybe it's time for a change, but then again where would I go? Employment sucks balls right now and my job is so secure. See there I go again with my chronic discontentment syndrome in this life.

I really hope this thing doesn't turn into some stupid diary where I just talk about my stupid personal life. Shoot me. And shoot me again if I start talking about "the boyfriend" too much. I hate bitches that only talk about their boyfriends in their diaries. I still can't believe I have a boyfriend, it's just so out of character for me. I think we are having our first fight actually. Long boring story, who cares, but I want to kick him in the junk so bad right now I can taste it. It being the gratification of kicking him in the junk, not his actually junk. Although I did taste that the other night.

I want to take one of those people who are happy all the time and suck out their brain and eat it. Then maybe I'd learn how to be happy all the time too. For now, I guess I'll continue with my forced optimism. Forced optimism is kind of like a forced orgasm: the outcome has pretty much the same effect, but it's just not as much fun getting there.



It's only Tuesday and that makes me angry

Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2003 at 11:44 am

Just today "the boyfriend" has called me a "weirdo," an "ass," a "fucking slut," a "bitch," an "assmunch," a "fuckass," and a "fucking nutlicker." I can't believe I finally found the verbally abusive relationship I've never known I've always wanted. It feels so good to finally be able to call a guy names without him bursting into tears.

Ok, so it's only Tuesday and that licks balls, so hopefully this will give you a little chuckle. Be sure you can turn up your sound. And if you've already seen this, don't tell me, because I don't fucking care.



I really fucking hate Mondays

Monday, Nov. 10, 2003 at 11:20 am

Good bye, fuck buddy. You and your gigantic cock will be deeply missed. Hello, "the boyfriend," you owe me big time for this. Damn it sucks to have a conscience. I have no idea how this one-man-at-a-time thing is going to work, I think I already had an anxiety attack about it last night. But I'm willing to give it a shot. Hold me, I'm scared.

I updated the Cussword Database. Man you kids are hilarious. But I need more. Keep 'em coming.

Also, Elf rocked. And so did the ass.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis