the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

Another worthless service that licks balls

Friday, Oct. 31, 2003 at 9:37 am

I decided to stop using Blogrolling. I just finally realized that it sucks balls! It does nothing for me that I can't do on my own. The udpating notice never seemed to work on a lot of my links and I check them all everyday anyway, so it doesn't matter. So Blogrolling can eat my crack.

I'm such a rebel.



I like my cars like I like my men. . . . old

Thursday, Oct. 30, 2003 at 1:47 pm

I'm so excited for Friday I could poop! I'm going to get some nooky from a cute Irish boy at the Halloween party I'm going to!

But on a serious note, I want a new old car. Currently I'm driving something like this, only in white. I know, it is sad and pathetic, but man does my car have heart. I swear she'll never die. Which is good for me since I'm poor and need dependability.

However, I have recently fallen in love with a totally old impractical car. It's even older than what I have now. What is wrong with me!? I first saw this beauty driving down my street and since I don't know cars at all, I've been trying to get a glimpse of it again ever since I first laid eyes on it. Then two nights ago, I saw the beauty in the grocery store parking lot. I was able to get close enough at a stand still long enough to see what it was. And now, my heart will never be content until I have this car. Damn you, cute old car, damn you straight to hell!

Click on the pic for a bigger pic.

Also, while looking for this vehicle on Ebay, I found an even older version that I now also want. This car is as old as me! Damn you again, adorable old car.



Hello?

Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2003 at 3:21 pm

Where the fuck is everybody lately?



Because you never know

Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2003 at 12:57 pm

Would you rather be burned alive or drowned? I would rather be burned alive. I think with drowing you would have enough time to think about what's happening and the fear of what's about to come would be overwhelming. And then not being able to breath and knowing that any second you are going to black out and then be dead! Creepy! But with burning alive I think you'd just be in so much pain that you wouldn't have time to think. You'd just be like, "holy fucking shit please let me die because this hurts so fucking bad." See I've got it all figured out.

Would you rather go blind or deaf? This one is easy. I would rather go deaf because then I wouldn't have to listen to people's shit! Also, there is so much beauty in this world, I would miss seeing it. And the thought of not being able to see really makes me sad. I would miss music a lot, but that's about it.

Ok, your turn.



I've always wanted a giant pussy

Monday, Oct. 27, 2003 at 11:22 am

I decided what I'm going to be for my Halloween party this Friday. After contemplating spending tens of hundreds of dollars on some elaborate retarded costume, I figured out that all I really needed to change my appearance was a mask. And I'm cheap. But really, your face is the first thing people look at anyway. So I bought a cat mask. The beauty of it? I get to go around all night saying that I'm a "pussy" and it only cost me three bucks. Also, I bought some of those candy necklaces, so I can have boys suck them off my neck all night!

And don't worry, you'll all get to see pictures of my pussy after Halloween.



Waiting to exhale

Monday, Oct. 27, 2003 at 11:01 am

After watching my son plummet down a flight of stairs this weekend, from a distance just far enough away that I couldn't catch him and then having a heart attack the size of Montana, I came to the realization that the job of parenting... NEVER ENDS. Every moment your child gets closer and closer to total independence. And every moment you think you can breathe a sign of relief. But it's really just a mean trick that God is playing on us parents. Because actually you can never really exhale. You'll always be holding your breath for that next big moment.

When they are babies, you breathe when they can roll over and sit up. Then you can't wait for them to start crawling. You breathe when they start saying small words like mama and baba (bottle). Then you can't wait for them to start pulling themselves up. Another big breath comes when they take their first steps. Then you can't wait for them to start really walking. You take a big breath when they are running and saying short sentences. Then you can't wait for them to be potty trained. No more poopy diapers! No more poopy diapers! So you breathe when they take their first dump in the toilet. Then you can't wait for them to grow a little so they can start doing more things by themselves, like getting a drink, washing their hands, taking a bath, feeding themselves without spilling something. And every moment they get closer to independence, you realize how really far away they actually are. And then you find yourself longing for the day when that kid leaves for college; oh please let them go away for college. Only sixteen years to go, you can do it, right?

But then it just hit me, that this job never really ends. No matter how independent my child ever becomes, I will always worry and I will always be waiting for that next big step he has to take in life. And I will always be holding my breath, hoping that he doesn't slip and fall.

Oh yeah, my son managed to come away from his accident this weekend completely unscathed. Thank God.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis