the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

You'd think they'd get the hint with the infamous, "head butting to avoid a kiss" technique

Sunday, Oct. 19, 2003 at 3:22 pm

Two dates backed out on me this weekend. My mojo must be off balance.

Also, I think it's a pretty good indication that it's time to end things between me and a fellow when every time he tries to touch me or kiss me, the voice inside my head is screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, YOU IRRITATING LUMP OF SHIT!"



Because I'm gloating

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003 at 4:28 pm

Since I know nobody ever does, I'm telling you now to go check out my archives page.



Buttchins, nutsacks, and the big O

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003 at 3:00 pm

Everybody and their dog has faked an orgasm at one time or another... except me. What is the big deal?

Also, I have seen the largest nutsack in the entire world. I'm sorry to go here, but everytime I think about it, I immediately start giggling. You know how most nutsacks fit nicely in your cupped hand? Well, this one was different. It wasn't the balls that were big, they seemed rather average. But the sack itself was overflowing my hand. It was like a little miniature blanket around my hand. Definitely the funniest thing I have ever seen on the male anatomy. Well, except for buttchins. Buttchins are just crazy.



Good morning to you too, Mr. Booger Eater

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003 at 8:49 am

Just because your car windows are tinted and just because you are driving in morning rush hour traffic, does not mean that other people can not see you PICKING YOUR NOSE AND EATING YOUR BOOGERS, you sick freak! Gawd!!



Nothing that hideous should be allowed to live

Wednesday, Oct. 15, 2003 at 4:40 pm

They are still trying to decide whether or not to put the tiger to sleep that almost killed Roy.

What do you guys think they should do with the tiger?



Because relationships are for suckers

Wednesday, Oct. 15, 2003 at 12:11 pm

Miss Kat brought up a few more questions regarding my previous entry on boys who get too clingy too fast. Questions that stemmed from that entry about dating and the difference between casual and serious dating and why anyone would want to put themselves through any of it anyway. I'm sure everyone has their own opinion on the subject, but I felt compelled to share my own thoughts and feelings. So here you have it, Miss Kat.

I go through different phases of wanting to hump everyone on the planet to never wanting to have physical contact with another human being as long as I live. I know the two are rather extreme opposites, but it's the truth. I'm not one of those "relationship" people who misses having someone to snuggle with and hold hands with. No, those kind of sentiments make me fight the urge to blow chucks. I do however have moments where I miss having someone to get drunk with and have sex with. Also, I like the occasional good conversation with a new person. You can almost always learn something new from someone new or at the very least you can have a good laugh, either at them or with them.

I've been called a player many times in my life, however there is a big difference between my game and the game of the average "player." My game isn't a game at all, there are no hidden agendas and I'm always honest from the beginning. I tell the boys that I see other people, plain and simple. If they have a problem with that, then it's good to get them out of my hair early on. Because the last thing I want is some guy getting all possessive and jealous on me. I'm not out to trap anybody or hurt anybody, I just want to have a good time, as cliche as that may sound. Afterall girls just wanna have fu-un! Right?

My biggest problem is that there is yet to be a man that I go out with that doesn't either A) eventually irritate the shit out of me or B) piss me off with something so fundamental that it can not be overlooked. So unfortunately I've sort of developed this attitude that no matter who I go out with, I've just got to have fun with it because most likely it will never turn into anything serious anyway. Does that make sense? I hate to sound pessimistic about dating, but I don't look at it as necessarily a bad thing. I just try to take everything at face value. Also, I'm not even sure I ever want to get married, at least not any time in the near future. So I figure why not meet new people and go out and have fun in the meantime.

Don't get me wrong, there are times where I look in the mirror and say, "What the hell am I doing?" I'm the type of person that if I don't have a goal or an end product in mind, then I figure what is the use of doing what I'm doing. And I start to wonder what is the point of dating all these guys? Is it just to get laid? Is sex really that important to me? At one time or another the answer is yes to both. I'm not worried about the whole perception of looking like a "slut." Because that way of thinking is just played out. But like anything in life, the dating scene gets old too. I get to a point where I'm tired of talking and listening and returning phone calls. I get to a point where I just want to be left alone.

So to answer you last question, Kat, yes. Yes I do sleep around. But I have to wine and dine the boys just a little bit in order to not make them feel used. Because believe it or not, the male ego is a very fragile thing.



Requirement #4 for anyone who wants to date me

Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2003 at 11:26 am

#4 - Must give me plenty of space.

I pretty much nailed this point in my previous blog life, but this one bared repeating for the simple fact that it is very high on my priority list of dating rules.

It always starts the same way. You go out on your first date. They call the next day to thank you and make another date. They call a couple days later to confirm said date. They call the day of the date to confirm, again. You go out for the second time and the cycle starts all over. Only each call comes with less and less in-between time. Before you know it they are calling you every morning when you first get into the office and every night before you go to sleep.

What the fuck?!!

I can not see someone I'm dating more than once a week. And if they want to see me more than once a week and are asking to hang out every other night, rest assured their days are numbered. I can't handle that shit. The only way in hell I'm going to see someone every single day is if they are either dying or I'm married to them, and even then it's iffy. I need breathing room. I start to feel suffocated and trapped. Like an animal in a cage. And I'm prepared to gnaw off my own legs if it means getting the fuck out of there.

The phone calls? Have just got to stop. Stop the freakin' madness, I say! What in God's green earth ever gave someone the idea that it is ok to call me every single day? And then when I don't call them back they continue to call and leave messages like they are worried something is wrong because they haven't heard from me in the LAST FIVE MINUTES! Maybe I'm busy, yeah that's right, TOO BUSY FOR YOU! Or hey, here's an idea, maybe I just don't feel like talking. Did that thought ever cross your mind? Yeah, the whole "talking" thing gets old fast.

Oh and don't get me started on the talking and "sharing" shit. You are not my diary, Mr. dude I've only been dating for a month. I do not have a desire to share with you my every deep dark secret and feelings and emotions. When the hell did I ever say it was ok to pry into the depths of my soul like you are some fucking special person!? When, damn you, WHEN? When did I ever say I wanted to open up to you like some pathetic blob of a human who dumps their baggage out on the theoretical table for everyone to see? Aaaaaand, for that matter, when did I ever say I wanted to hear that shit from you? NEVER, that's when, jackassface!

Ok, I'm done now. I just have a slight problem with the whole intimacy thing, especially when someone tries to force feed it to me.



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis