the Shakedown: slang. "a thorough search of a place or person." (dictionary.com)

What the fuck happened last night?

Saturday, Oct. 04, 2003 at 10:48 am

If skipping supper, going straight for the rum and coke, getting shitfaced by 8:30pm, passing out, puking three times into a trashcan on the guy's bed, passing out again, waking up at 2am, eating cheese and crackers, listening to the guy babble about his life and then start crying, going to bed, having sex with a semi-hard dick, then getting 3 hours of sleep is your idea of a perfect date... then I had a fucking fabulous time last night.

So much for being able to handle my liquor.



Who's the fairest of them all? Me of course

Friday, Oct. 03, 2003 at 2:21 pm

You know what's really difficult?

Trying to have five different instant messenger conversations with five different guys all at the same time.

That's friggin' difficult. Ow, my wrists.

Also. I'm so sorry, but THIS is FU. CKING. hilarious. Gratuitously stolely from Jane.



Requirement #3 for anyone who wants to date me

Friday, Oct. 03, 2003 at 9:17 am

#3 - Must not cry. Ever.

I'm sorry, I'm not a traditionalist by any means, but holy crap dog shit, I have a big problem watching a man cry. I don't know whether to laugh (I know I'm a cold hearted bitch) or run out of the room screaming.

Don't get me wrong, there are a few instances where a man crying is totally acceptable. Say, someone they love dies or something tragic happens to them or a loved one. But if he's crying because it's just been a bad week or because I'm breaking up with him or because that commercial was really touching, I'm so grossed out. I mean, have some pride man!

Now I'm not one of those people who grew up thinking emotions are bad. No, quite the opposite. My mom has always worn her heart on her sleeve, hell she cries pretty much every time someone gives her a nice gift or mushy card. My parents always encouraged us to be honest and open with our feelings. So that's not why I have a problem with men crying.

I guess I just feel like it's the man's job to be strong emotionally. And you know I'm not one for big stereotypes, but this is just something that seriously gives me the creeps. Maybe because I've dated too many guys that were just too quick to tear up. You know what? If you absolutely have to cry, that is fine with me. Just do it out of my eye sight and hearing range. But, for the love of God, don't break down in front of me, unless you want me to eat your balls for breakfast.

P.S. I have a lunch date and a date tonight. Two different guys. I'm fucking on fire, people. Oh and possibly another one Saturday night.



My eyes! My God, my eyes!!

Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003 at 10:38 am

I hate, with a passion, black backgrounds on diaries and blogs.

So if you're background is black, and you know I read you, you should feel special. Very very special. It means I like you.

Just so ya know.



We've all got the blahs

Wednesday, Oct. 01, 2003 at 4:41 pm

I'm feeling a lack of enthusiasm for blogging lately. My mind is simply blank most of the time. But I've noticed a lot of people either feel the same way or are actually going on hiatus. So I guess I can take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one. But I swear I hear nothing but crickets chirping whenever I open my blog lately. Must be something in the air. Maybe it's the weather. Or maybe it's like the equivalent of the 7-year marriage itch, only we're married to our blogs and it's like a 1 or 2-year itch.



Requirement #2 for anyone who wants to date me

Wednesday, Oct. 01, 2003 at 9:53 am

#2 - Must like to get drunk with me, but can handle their liquor.

Basically I need a functioning alcoholic. Have you ever been around alcoholics? Those assholes are usually pretty funny. Exept for the violent outbreaks and such. But functioning alcoholics are usually pretty cool. Not like my uncle who's an alcoholic who doesn't work or take care of himself and his teeth are all rotting and falling out and he just sits around all day every day watching television and drinking beer.

I need someone who can drink a dozen martinis with me and still be able to walk a straight line. I need someone who will take shots with me, even tequila. I need someone who will bring me beer on a Friday evenings after work. I also need someone to be the designated drunk driver, because I can't afford to go to jail again. Man that sucked balls. I need someone who drinks a lot, but still holds a good job and pays their bills on time. You know, a functioning alcoholic. Because, well, alcoholics are fun.



Requirement #1 for anyone who wants to date me

Monday, Sept. 29, 2003 at 11:24 am

#1 - Must think farts are funny.

Whoever ends up with me is going to have to accept and appreciate the fact that I am just a very gassy person by nature. I seriously fart all the time. Everything gives me gas. Everything. And I refuse to hold in my gas, that's just painful. Also, I happen to find it to be quite hilarious. I just can't enjoy myself if I'm having to hold it in. It makes me tense and irritable.

Also, sphincter is one of the funniest words in the English language. I want everyone to use it in my comments today at least once.

Lastly, I need you all to visit our Running With Scissors board. I've posted some questions that I need answers to, pronto, damit!



"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis